Movie Review: 305

305305 is another comedy spoof on 300.  The story tells of five additional Spartan warriors, in addition to the regular 300 that fought in the great battle.  These five Spartans were supposed to be guarding an innocent little goat path.  Little did they know, the goat path would cause the death of King Leonidas and his Spartan army.

This is a low budget movie produced in a mockumentary format.  The five Spartans are routinely filmed sitting in a chair discussing their thoughts, similar in style to the quiet room or confession room in reality TV shows.

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Movie Review: Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo BayHarold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay is a hilarious hour and a half adventure of two marijuana smoking buddies getting into trouble.  The story starts a week after the end of the first movie, Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle.  The two are flying to Amsterdam so Harold can hook up with Maria.  Except that they never land in Amsterdam because Kumar is suspected of being a terrorist on the plane.

The comedy style is inline with the first movie.  If you liked the first movie, you’ll like Escape from Guantanamo Bay.  If you hated the first movie, you’ll probably hate this one too.  The main plot is driven by love, but sex and weed are still key elements in the storyline.

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Movie Review: Never Back Down

Never Back DownNever Back Down is a good fighting / action movie.  The story involves a former football player from Iowa moving to the sunny beaches of Orlando where he discovers organized fighting.  The fighting is in the form of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), with its combination of boxing, kick-boxing, wrestling, and street fighting.  He ends up being lured into competing at Beatdown, an underground fight tournament.

If you are a fan of fighting movies, you will like this movie.  If you are a fan of MMA, go watch Forrest Griffin fight Quinton ‘Rampage‘ Jackson in the UFC instead.  As with most Hollywood movies, the fighting is choreographed for as much action as possible for the standard audience member.  This basically means very little blocking, a lack of proper technique, and all offense.

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Movie Review: Jumper

JumperJumper is a sci-fi fantasy film about a boy who can jump (teleport) around, from place to place. We soon find out that he is not the only Jumper, and that Jumpers have existed for hundreds of years. Then we learn that there is a group of people known as Paladins that hunt and kill Jumpers.

The film stars Hayden Christenson (who played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars 2 and 3) as David Rice, the Jumper and main character of the story. He is hunted down by Rolen, a Paladin played by Samuel L. Jackson. Rachel Bilson plays the girlfriend. Diane Lane plays the part of David’s mother.

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Movie Review: Street Kings

Street KingsStreet Kings is a movie about how city cops operate. The cops own the streets and can do anything they want. All of it gets covered up by the police department before the media and the public get hold of it. But when something goes wrong and fingers start pointing, the structure and loyalty starts to fade.

This movie stars Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, and a few hip hop / rap artists like Common and The Game. Keanu Reeves sucks as an actor. He can only play two types of characters: non-human characters or dead people. Unfortunately, his role in Street Kings is neither Tree #3 nor dead.

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Movie Review: Star Wars Holiday Special

Star Wars Holiday SpecialThe Star Wars Holiday Special is the stuff legends are made of. Its not so much a movie as it was a 2 hour TV special made one year after the original Star Wars movie, in 1978. George Lucas was not involved with the production, but he sure did cash the check.

It is likely you have never watched this film. And with good reason. George Lucas, and most viewers that watched the TV broadcast, hated the film. Lucas hated it so much that he had it locked away in the Lucas Films archives, never to be seen again. To this day, the film has only aired once on television and it has not been officially released in any way by Lucas Films.

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Movie Review: Super High Me

Army of the DeadSuper High Me is a parody documentary of Super Size Me. In Super Size Me, they filmed a guy eating fast food for 30 days straight. In Super High Me, they filmed a comedian smoking weed for 30 days straight.

The movie centers around comedian Doug Benson. To fully test the effects of smoking marijuana for 30 days, they set up scientific tests including medical exams, SATs, fertility, and psychic ability tests. Before engaging in the 30 days of highness, Benson had to cut off from alcohol and pot for 30 days to set up a control period.

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Movie Review: Army of the Dead

Army of the DeadOnce in a while, a movie comes along and makes you wonder if they ever make Hollywood movies from college writing assignments. Army of the Dead is one such movie. The movie has a group of Baja desert visitors unknowingly hitting up gold from the lost city of El Dorado.

Lousy acting added to the crappy script makes this movie a waste of time. Even the thought of an undead skeleton wielding a shotgun couldn’t save the movie.  Stuck in the Baja desert, with an army of undead skeletons chasing behind, whats a guy to do? He builds a telsa coil to zap the undead!

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Movie Review: Untraceable

UntraceableUntraceable is a suspense crime thriller movie about a deranged killer using the Internet for evil. The victims are strapped to a mechanical contraption that is hooked up to a computer, streaming the video of the victim’s death over the Internet. As more people log on to watch, the victim dies faster.

Yes, that is a mouse pointer over her lips. No, I didn’t Photoshop that in. Yes, that damn pointer does make the movie cover look incredibly stupid. No, I don’t know why they did that. And yes, the person that came up with the idea should be killed.

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Movie Review: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story


Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story is a borderline decent movie to watch.  The satirical film is based off “I Walk the Line”, a movie about Johnny Cash.  It may even make you laugh once or twice.  I didn’t particularly enjoy the movie.  The movie is based on the trials and tribulations of Dewey Cox from a young boy to an old man.  Lame jokes filled in the rest of the gaps.

Three reoccurring themes of humor are prevalent throughout the movie: Dewey cut his brother in half,  Dewey lost his sense of smell, and Dewey doing drugs.  The first two get boring real fast, yet it gets brought up again and again.  The drug scenes are funny only because of Tim Meadows’ performance.

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